I never update this thing cuz I'm too much into my myspace. But...things are going great with my new job. I love it so far. Training is very informative. There is a lot of information I am learning and taking in. I'm a little nervous about my final in 8 weeks. Eh. But aside from that. Ricky and I are slowly trying to work things out. I think we will both be so much happier once we have our own place outside of both of our families. I think that is what causes us so much trouble and frustration is the family. Preston is now 6 mos old as of TODAY...and I took the cutest pictures of him today. Isnt he adorable? Check him out!

<3 Jess

Wow, I cant explain to any of you the difficulty of being a single parent mother. I have spent numerous weeks keeping to myself on every little personal thing going on with me in my personal life that it has finally eaten away at me. I dont have any clue as to what happened to Ricky and I. Well I do have a clue. I just dont know how the hell in life he'll ever change from the wrong doings he does. How he can never call in 3 wks to find out how his son is beyond me especially when he swore and claimed to love the both of us so much. I think what has finally happened is that I have finally grown tired of the same tired situation. Ricky goes thru this emotional instability every so many months and it's very hard on me.

He lets people that he hangs out with interfer with his attitudes and basically suffers from mulitiple personalties. He did this a month before I had Preston over the summer and it caused a lot of the trouble I had with my border line Pre-Eclamspia my blood pressure was always sky high. He litterly put me thru hell. I was constantly wondering who he was out with. If he was cheating on me. And so forth. Then after Preston, everything was fine again and we were stronger then ever and he apologized in so many ways about how he was and who he was turning into. And even recongized that he had a problem with alcohol and with the way he was acting hanging out with those people. Now he's back to the same shit.

Not only that but hasnt payed any of his child support. And now we are going to have an arrears hearing and I'm sure he wont attend so now there will end up being a warrant out for his arrest just watch. I'm just so upset. I thought for ONCE Ricky was FINALLY getting on a good path and going to step up and be a man. Be a father...be a future husband. But no...here I am going up in life. I have a good career...I'm an awesome mom...going somewhere in my life and there he is. Forgetting his responsiblitites, ignoring his son, and too worried about who he's going out drinking with the next weekend. I'm so hurt. It's unreal how you can love someone so much and then hate them at the very same fucking time.

I want things to work out so badly. I love him with all of my heart. And I want him to be here for Preston. But I'm so damn tired of being hurt and walked on. I want to be appreciated for ALL the things I've done for him time and time again. I'm sick of hearing all the MORE things I could've done the MORE money I could've gave. I want to be loved. And I think it's about time I deserve that much.

Sorry...I have lost so much sleep over this...and I cant see myself moving on from any of this anytime soon. Thanks for your support.

Jess

4 Mos old~

Update

I joined this new site that my father belongs to. It's a photograph website. Where you share your photographs and you vote on eachothers photos. My father has a profile on there of all his honestly amazing photography. (this being what he wants to do professionally when he retires) He's awesome. And his camera is just truly amazing. His name on that site is Black Knight. I have a profile on there as well. Flawless Whispers. Check us out. And if you are into photography join the neighborhood! :) Heres the link to my fathers work. USA 101.com

Hey everyone! Just a quick update before I head into work to run our employee meeting for the month. Preston is doing awesome! He's getting so big. He has his monthly check up on Friday cant wait to see how much he weighs. He's now on a soy based formula which is a miracle. He really is doing a lot on it. With the other stuff he was having such horrible gas pains and now he's more calm and not in pain. Work is good...just a little stressful with it being inspection time. Had to write up 5 employees yesterday on their uniforms which wasnt cool. It'd be easier if ppl just followed their job rules. So life goes. The pool is really looking cool. They are working on the patio today. Ripping up the old brick patio and putting concrete and extending it out. The finished product is really going to look amazing. Cant wait! Saturday was my mothers birthday and we took Preston out for his first train ride. It was really cool it was a train ride tour of the leaves changing color. It was beautiful a little chilly, but beautiful. Then we went to dinner at Magnolia's Vineyard...which is an actual haunted restaurant. It was very nice..expensive but nice. It was like 250$ for our bill so crazy. But it was delicious.

I went to walmart the other day and contributed to the support of breast cancer awareness month. I bought a magenta bra from AQueen Latifah's line that is a breast cancer supporter bra. So cute it has the little pink ribbon in the middle. I love it. I also bought the pink tic tacs lol. But anyways...I have to get this candy all ready for the meeting. I always gotta bring my employees candy. But thats all for now! Take care!

updated pics of the pool. That is just the frame and the cemented bottom...so there is still lots to do...but looks cool so far. Cant wait till next summer!

<3